It's Ok That You're Not Ok: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

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I agree that beauty and devastation are both facets of life (in line with the book's attempt to redefine happiness). It is a very human book, full of grace, permission to feel, and written in a way that it does not come off as one of those 'self-help' books. Activist and author Joanna Macy speaks of the unrecognized, and unwelcome, pain in the hearts of most activists. This book treats everyone, both mourners and the often clueless and lost friends who'd like to help but don't know how, with great kindness and empathy.

How challenging the myths of grief-doing away with stages, timetables, and unrealistic ideals about how grief should unfold-allows us to accept grief as a mystery to be honored instead of a problem to solve . I wish those people would read it, but at least those of us who have experienced grief will have some tools for helping our loved ones who go through it later on.When a painful loss or life-shattering event upends your world, here is the first thing to know: there is nothing wrong with grief. I agree with her basic point on the subject: that enlightenment in the face of grief is to look straight at it, staying emotionally open and bearing witness to the pain, knowing that it can’t be changed. As quickly as possible, as quietly as possible, and preferably coming out the other way as a happier and more fulfilled person. It’s OK That You’re Not OK is the book I’ve been waiting for for 30 years—the one I can recommend to any newly bereaved parent, widow, widower, or adult grieving a death.

Going through my own experiences with multiple dimensions of grief, I’ve heard almost every well-meant but unhelpful, offensive, and out-of-touch remark. Yes, those of us who have been bereaved can identify with that, but it's as you would expect, people just don't know what to say to you! Too often, it is a case of ‘me, me, me (not just the author, but also a quote from a third party, including participants to her grief writing course),’ when a single ‘me’ would suffice to highlight the more generic points she wants to make. Many people wanted details about her illness and about her risk factors (she had none of them by the way; no family history of cancer and no other known risk factors).

Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. In addition to writing your elected officials, giving blood, and advocating for change in your chosen arenas, you can help the RIG team deliver grief support directly to communities affected by violence or disaster. This is also a great book to give to family or friends who are trying to understand the best (and most genuine) ways to support someone in grief.

But her assumption is that sudden, accidental deaths of young people (like that of her boyfriend) are uniquely hard to process, and the book reads almost more like a memoir at times. It also perfectly evaluates what our western culture and medical establishment get wrong about grief. It’s OK That You’re Not OK is a book for grieving people, those who love them, and all those seeking to love themselves―and each other―better.It's OK That You're Not OK shows us the path to be companions, rather than saviors, to loved ones who are experiencing deep pain. Most people in grief do realize that others are trying to show they care when they say these things. Registration is open now for Megan Devine’s 6 month online Grief Care Professional Certificate Program. For example, I’m aware that Native culture integrates grief into their daily existence in much more healthful, unrepressed ways.